Michelle Blanchard Ardillo

Should be easy, right? It’s your birthday. There’s a cake. With candles. People sing. You make a wish and blow out the candles. Presto. You are having a happy birthday.

But, it really isn’t that simple at all. In her new book, which she proclaims herself that it was a long time coming, Tamar Hurwitz-Fleming explains How to Have a Happy Birthday. More on that later.

Thank you to Tamar, Kelsey Butts, and Date Palm Books for the ARC to read and review.

There’s a lot to dig into and unpack in this self-help book. It is well-written and easy to read. The suggestions and “how to” guides seem almost too easy to be helpful, but if you are of a certain age, and have had one too many unhappy birthdays, this book may indeed ring true for you.

As a classroom teacher for almost 20 years, with middle schoolers coming and going all day to learn English, grammar, writing, spelling, vocabulary, and literature in way too short periods, I started my career keeping my birthday under wraps. I celebrated the birthdays of my students as they came throughout the school year, setting up a bulletin board in a very visible area of the room with each student’s birthday. Students found a birthday pencil, a bookmark, and a small treat on their desk on their special day. The class sang “Happy Birthday” at lunch, cha cha cha’s included, and the class treat supplied by the parent was served. Sometimes there was an extra donut or cookie for the teacher, sometimes there wasn’t. Sometimes a student would ask, “When is your birthday, Mrs. Ardillo?” Often I would shift the conversation away from myself.

At one school, we were each assigned another teacher as our “birthday buddy,” someone who would decorate your door and leave a special treat on your desk before you arrived. And as with all things of human nature, some birthday buddies were better than others at this task. At another of my schools, there was the Sunshine Committee who took on this task for the entire faculty and staff. Some years the whole world knew it was your birthday, and some years it was a smaller more discreet greeting.

Eventually, as my years of experience increased, I noticed that some teachers celebrated themselves! What an idea! They decided to indeed have a happy birthday and set it all in action themselves. The kids knew in advance, and they told their parents, and that teacher did have a very joyful day. So, in the very spirit of Hurwitz-Fleming’s book, one year I decided to include myself on my classroom birthday bulletin board. Right up there, I gave myself a colorful construction paper balloon with my name and birthday printed in the center. That subtle change made all the difference. Students excitedly marked it in their homework books and waited for my birthday to roll around. They sang to me at lunch, and some years brought in treats to share, but I too brought in a pan of my famous Triple Chocolate Fudge Brownies. I gave out a homework pass to each student, and we read something fun in class and had a great day.

Hurwitz-Fleming shows how we can take control of how we spend our special day. If we are asked, “What do you want to do for your birthday?” and we respond, “I don’t know, whatever,” there is a very good chance we may be disappointed in what ends up happening. Just last October, when my birthday was rolling around, my husband and adult daughter asked me that very question. I already had a plan in mind, and for once, I just said it out loud! “I’d like to go to morning Mass, have coffee and a pastry out, then spend a few hours in a bookstore with an open tab, then a late lunch at the bar of a favorite restaurant, home for “quiet reading time” and a nap, and my favorite birthday cake, the Chocolate Truffle Bombe sold at a local grocery’s in-store bakery. It. Was. The. Best. Birthday. Ever!

Hurwitz-Fleming herself said it took her a long time to write this book, because she had to live through many birthdays, both some well-celebrated and some that fell short, to know what she wanted to offer as suggestions and advice. For example, if you are away from home on your special day, instead of waiting all day for a call from home, take the bull by the horns and go out and make a great day for yourself!

This book is a quick read, but you will finish it with several ideas of how you can increase your own joy around your birthday time, or how you can bring joy to a friend or family member on their own special day. In Chapter 3, Hurwitz-Fleming describes how to create a birthday altar to celebrate the birthday of a loved one or to celebrate your very own. This is a new concept to me, but I have watched the mom of former students of mine post on Facebook photos of her kitchen island decorated and covered with family photos to greet the birthday person when they come downstairs on their special day. I’ve always loved seeing her posts and thinking how lucky her kids and husband are to know that mom spent the wee hours getting the island set up just to make their day extra special.

I only have two small comments about things in the book that didn’t necessarily ring true for me, and it is more about me than Hurwitz-Fleming’s writing or her book. One is the inclusion of suggestions about tarot cards and spiritual readings, which is not something I personally would do. The other is the little vignettes that are sprinkled throughout the book, meant to tell a story pertinent to what she was writing about, the suggestions she was making in that particular section of the book. Not all of the vignettes rang true to me, and I found myself distracted from Hurwitz-Fleming’s writing about birthdays and thinking more about the people in the vignettes.

If you find yourself not feeling celebrated on your own birthday, or feel like you are not bringing joy to your loved ones in the way you celebrate them on their special day, check out Hurwitz-Fleming’s book. You will walk away with new ideas, or at least, a feeling of affirmation for the good things you are already doing! Whenever your birthday may be, may it be celebrated, special, and most of all, very happy!