Michelle Blanchard Ardillo

First, thank you to NetGalley for the opportunity to read this memoir (via audiobook) which was published by Macmillan in September of this year.

Awake: A Memoir by Jen Hatmaker explains a lot. Some time ago I was aware via social media that something was going on with her, there was an ominous post on Instagram and then radio silence. I wasn’t one of her regular followers, but I knew that she and her husband were part of a pastoral team at an evangelical church in the South, and that they had 7 children, some biological and some adopted. They seemed like the perfect, faith-filled, family-oriented couple raising a house-fill of kids together. Until … they weren’t.

I remember a subsequent post where she is on her front porch, book in hand, tea at her side, propped up in a porch swing the size of a double bed. Hmmm, I had never seen anything like that before. I am from the South and I know lots of people who had porch swings (something I’ve always wanted myself) but I’ve never seen one the size of an actual bed. So, this book actually explains that instagram post as well. The porch and subsequent swinging bed on the porch were built by friends in the wake of her very nasty divorce, which was originally and for a long time after, kept very very private. Until … it wasn’t.

I’m not sure when the cat got out of the bag, but if you missed the sordid details, this book will fill in ALL the blanks for you.

I read some of the reviews on Goodreads and started with the uber-positive ones, the 4 and 5 star reviews, and I am convinced that they were written by devoted fans of Jen Hatmaker, women who have read her other books (I have not), women who followed her on social media (I randomly noticed a post every now and then), and perhaps were raised in an evangelical church (I was raised in a very conservative but Catholic family and church). These people were all pulling for Jen’s resurrection from the disaster she had encountered, the loss of her marriage, her church career, her income, her partner in raising 7 children. I didn’t read a single one that sounded objective as well as a fan. I get that, but … more on that later.

Then, I read the 1 and 2 star reviews, and some were quite negative, stating that the book has a whiny, poor-me attitude, while simultaneously talking about getaways and vacations, all provided by her well-connected friends as therapy for the trauma she was experiencing. I have to admit, I felt all of that myself while reading this book.

Sadly, divorce is not a rarity. It is fairly commonplace in our society. There are hundreds of thousands of Jen Hatmakers in the world, crushed by their husbands’ infidelity, brought to their knees by divorce, starting over, struggling, feeling lost and abandoned. In America, in this day and age, so much of our lives is disposable, returnable, recyclable, where personal (and immediate) happiness is more important than many other things such as commitment and sacrifice. In fact, take a look at this info for 2023 found on the website of National Center for Health Statistics:

• Number of marriages: 2,041,926
• Marriage rate: 6.1 per 1,000 total population
• Number of divorces: 672,502 (45 reporting States and D.C.)
• Divorce rate: 2.4 per 1,000 population (45 reporting States and D.C.)

Sources: National Marriage and Divorce Rate Trends for 2000-2023 [PDF – 117 KB] (data shown are provisional for 2023)

It takes two to tango, but another set of statistics lists the data (for 2022) shown only for women.

I am sure that there are lots of women who would love to have a book deal from Macmillan, one of the “Big Five” book publishers in America, to tell their story, to recoup financially from the breakdown of their marriage, to provide income to help with raising the children they are left with (even though they would never have willingly given them up). In that regard alone, Jen Hatmaker is very fortunate. Yes, she suffered a great loss, a 20-year plus marriage down the drain. She had to suffer the indignity of finding out that her husband was unfaithful, even if her marriage was over long before she found out about his affair. Her children have had to adjust to home life with a single mother and an absentee father. But the reality is that the vast majority of women who discover their husband has been cheating on them, spending all of their money, living a secret life away from his family, well, they will not land on their feet with the posh cushion that is beneath Jen Hatmaker’s feet.

Honestly, I did not enjoy this book. I am happy to have had the opportunity to read/listen to it and to hear this story from Jen’s point of view. I wish Jen Hatmaker only the best as she carves out a new life and a new identity for herself, outside of her failed marriage, outside of her disillusionment with her evangelical church upbringing. I hope she finds this book to be the catharsis she was in search of.